Peacemakers, Avoiders, and Accomodators
There is a genuine difference between these three styles
“Peacemakers” often avoid conflict or try to keep the peace by accommodating others. So, what’s the difference between avoiding conflict and accommodating others?
Conflict avoiders tend to have a “lose-lose” way of dealing with problems because they don’t care much about their needs or those of others. They steer clear of any disagreement. On the other hand, an accommodator cares a lot about others but not much about themselves. Their typical mindset is, “You win, I lose.”
Accommodators are the natural helpers in a group. They often put aside their own needs to make others feel supported and calm. This trait is great for customer service, and they usually prefer to work behind the scenes.
However, accommodators need to be careful. Because they are so giving, they can get taken advantage of by those who only look out for themselves.1 They may lose sight of what’s important to them, struggle to prioritize their work and fall into the habit of seeking approval from others. Even though they enjoy helping others, they can feel frustrated if they believe their kindness is overlooked.
This can be tricky for those who manage people with this style because accommodators often don't seek attention. When they do, it might come off as “needy” or “dramatic.”
Being a peacemaker might mean accommodating others, but it can also require standing up for oneself when necessary because a one-sided relationship isn’t healthy for work or home. True peace is built on the needs of everyone involved.
If you often accommodate others, pay attention to any feelings of resentment. Your emotions might tell you it’s time to speak up for yourself. Listening to these feelings can help you stay happy and effective as an accommodator.
This Week’s Small Experiment: Notice when you accommodate others. Be aware of two potential traps.
If you never accommodate, you might come off as overly aggressive. If you’re feeling resentful, it’s time to assert yourself and step out of the trap of avoiding conflict.
For a helpful resource on this, see this TED talk by Adam Grant: