Trying to control everything is exhausting
Thankfully, there is a better way.
Trying to control everything can kill you. I had to learn that the hard way.
Here’s how that went:
From 2007 - 2013, I went through a really hard season.
I was working full time (ok, that was normal)
I was married with two young daughters (Yes. That requires energy, but still “normal” so far.)
I was going to graduate school and working on a PhD (ah, now we are adding some pressure to the mix)
I’m an only child of a single mother, who fell, broke her hip, and started having numerous physical and mental health challenges (And this is where the stress really starts to hit)
My wife (Mindy) sustained a head injury in a car accident which totaled her car and the woman who hit her did not have insurance. Mindy lost her job, her personality changed, and she needed months of physical therapy, speech therapy, and counseling. (At this point I was officially “overwhelmed.”)
I totaled our other car when someone pulled out in front of me on the highway. I ran off the road rather than T-bone the guy. (So we went from a “2 car family” to a “0 car family”)
Now struggling with back pain and my health starting to be affected, I threw up on my laptop that had all my PhD stuff on it. Totaled the laptop. Only some of it was backed up. (For those keeping count - that’s two cars and one laptop, all within a three month span)
I started seeing a counselor because I felt like I was angry all the time. (Huh. I wonder why.)
One of our daughters developed a mysterious, life-threatening allergy
Another of our daughters was being bullied at school
I managed to successfully complete my PhD (yay!) and ended up in the hospital a week later with a mysterious bowl obstruction (boo!).
That was the start of a two-year battle with chronic bacterial overgrowth in my gut, multiple hospital stays, seasons of being unable to eat solid food, and finally a pretty discouraging conversation with my local doctor.
Me: “Hey I’ve been reading about some different diet options that might help. What do you think?
Doc: “Stan, we need to talk about ‘quality of life’ for you.”
Me: (Thinking to myself - “Oh. That conversation. Man, I don’t have enough life insurance right now …’)
That conversation led us to seek treatment at the Mayo Clinic, where we heard they were doing research on my symptoms.
After two weeks of poking and prodding by the some of the best medical minds in the country, I had this conversation with my doctor at Mayo:
Doctor: “Mr. Ward, how are you managing your stress?”
Me: (Thinking to myself, ‘Nope. That can’t be what this is. I get stuff done. No stress here.’)
Looking back, I now appreciate the near-constant pressure I was under for several years, and while I was able to push through it, I also shut down my digestive system in the process (not to mention the anger issues I decided to get counseling for).
That experience was 10 years ago. In the following weeks, I’ll share what I learned about stress management for leaders so that you can lead well without exhausting yourself.
See you next week!