How to avoid being the a-hole
When you have a competitive conflict management style.
Let’s review the conflict management styles we’ve discussed so far:
Avoiding (low concern for self. (Low concern for others. “I lose. You lose.”)
Accommodating (low concern for self. High concern for others. I lose. You win.)
Now we are going to talk about those styles that have a high concern for self.
Today, we are looking at the competitive style.
No surprise here that the “competing style” is high on concern for self and low on concern for others. It’s the “I win. You lose.” style.
There are times when this style is needed. When the building is on fire, it’s not a good time to take a vote or ask how everyone is doing. It’s time to take command and get everyone out of the building!
The D style in DISC will often naturally fall into this style. That style is motivated by challenges and competitions, and we desperately need leaders who are naturally motivated to run toward the fire rather than away from it.
This style has to watch out for the “Aggressive A-Hole” trap though. How will you know when you’ve fallen into this trap? Here are some things to watch for (borrowed from The No Asshole Rule by Robert Sutton)
Do you feel surrounded by incompetent idiots?
Do you feel the need to “climb the corporate ladder” by pushing other people off?
Do you enjoy putting other people “in their place”?
Do you feel the need to take credit for what your team accomplishes?
When mistakes happen, do you always find someone else to blame?
Do you constantly interrupt others because what you have to say is more important?
Do people avoid making eye contact with you?
When you arrive at an event, do others start to leave?
For this week’s small experiment, notice how often you use the competitive style and how it impacts your relationships. Ask yourself if that pattern serves you well or if you need to find another way of operating.
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